Fireball’s “Cool Designs of the Week!”

Man, it’s been a crazy few days. Lots of cool cars have shown up (All in my driveway…. slight exaggeration, as in the driveway of the mind!) But, there are SO many doodads of coolness out there, it’s really hard to pick what gets the major super duper cool status of being one of of my CDW’s. (See, another acronym… I keep doing that for some reason.)

So, without further do doo… Feast in the pure bitchiness of the soul. Cars of heaven, direct to your door, yo.

1. THE AUDI LOCUS CONCEPT

Gorgeous, right. I mean, here’s a woman that knows your weakness. Although, most likely a 3D image, this Audi concept evokes style and charm with added sass. Like a woman who knows just how to get into that sweet spot of yours. ‘Course, dangling it first to get your attention until you melt like warm chocolate. Oooooo……

1. WHATEVER IT IS, IT’S GOT A BIG WHEEL CAR

I like this because as it drives by, I’d jump through the hoop. You know what I’m saying? Any car that comes with it’s own playground can’t be all bad? ‘Course, the rest of it is kinda “whatever.” A clear example of not carrying the theme throughout the vehicle. Kinda reminds me of my Nikes. But they’re red, so that’s different, right?

1. THE AUDI CALAMARO

A Squid. Clearly influenced by Star Wars, REVENGE OF THE OBI WAN EMPIRE ATTACK OF THE CLONING JEDI SITH LORDS OF LUCAS. Or whatever that last one was called. (I’m pretty sure that was it, though.) This Audi IS cool, and when magnetic levitation, or rotational flying portopotties are invented and perfected, I’m sure you’ll see them in the dealerships for the low low price of $1.5. (Hey, flying portopotties. THAT’S AN IDEA! AWESOME!! SOMEONE WRITE THAT DOWN, QUICK!!!!!!)

1. THE RENAULT TWIZY

Yup. If I had a Twizy, THIS is what it would look like. I mean, what else CAN you call this thing? And it will go perfect with my TOOTHBRUSH!!

1. BMW LOVOS

The coolest MAKES NO SENSE WHATSOEVER concept to ever appear ANYWHERE, period. It’s both awesome and ridiculous! Bitchin’ and stupid! Totally radical dood and Dumber than the Dumbest! So, how do you have a contradiction like this and be successful? Well, most celebrities and inventors are walking contradictions, right? Boom. (One thing though that they didn’t take into consideration when they concepted this. …Bird Doo. Go ahead, think about it.)

1. PEUGEOT MOVILLE

Yes, this time, the boys at Peugeot are on a whole new drug! Wuppeeee!!!! It’s a cross between the movie “Sleeper” and Pikachu. SPIN! SPIN! SPIN!… Barf.

1. BOWLER RAPTOR

Okay, someone call HPI Racing. Here’s their new model. I’M FIRST!! But I want a flag with Pamela Anderson on it.

1. A JONATHAN PUNTER CONCEPT

No, I don’t know which direction this goes, either. Maybe straight up? Although, cool in a funky 70′s futuristic sorta way, I don’t like that I can’t pick my nose without the whole world watching. Priorities, man, priorities. But, I can hear the Jetson’s whir, can you??!!!

1. THE BUGATTI STRATOS CONCEPT

Old is new again. But, I do like this Bu Beast. Even with the CD Cover front wheels and the Ostrich Catcher on the side. Elegant, clean, but only one problem….. IT’S NOT IN MY GARAGE!!!!!!

1. THE HONDA U3X MOBILITY DEVICE

Ok, everyone on the planet has probably seen this by now. The “Not Wheelchair.” All I want is to pimp this sucker. Can you see it? Black with Flames and a Lime Pinstripe! THAT’S AWESOME!!! If they don’t bring this out soon, I’m gonna hurt someone. That reminds me, did I take my meds today? Wups.

1. MY FERRARI

Okay, so it’s not really mine, but the CVS is mine. Well,… actually, that’s not mine either, but,… I go there from time to time… and THIS California was parked outside. So, you COULD say it’s mine, right? I mean, all’s fair in Love and Cars? I did, however, find a diecast version in the store. It was cheaper, so… I went for it. Splurged. And the full size Ferrari? It left. …..Now, I suck.

1. MY OFFICIAL ENTRY; THE HELITRUCK

Done for the “not greenlit film yet” SIX CITIES, this Helicopter, turned cool “Truck of Death” is sure to be a gangbuster success. I’ve gotten calls from Dealerships already placing orders. I’m serious! And the option list is off the chart!! ‘Course, they have to make the movie first ’cause I’m not building this beast for no reason. Unless,… maybe I can set up a PAYPAL account. Any takers?

1. THE GI JOE TRANSPORT OF DEATH

Here’s a CG version of the cars we built for GI Joe. Although cool, pretty sure we blew up all of them. Bummer, ’cause I really felt this could be the “Station Wagon” of the future. A little wood paneling, reversed rumble seat and you’re good to go.

1. THE HALCYON CONCEPT

What do you say about a car like this? It’s just plain cool in a sorta, “I didn’t want windows, mirrors, wheels, scoops, antenna, and anything else that made it look like a car. Just wanted it to be… well, a Halcyon. And what IS  a Halcyon? A period of time in the past that was idyllically happy and peaceful. Calm.’ And THAT, is where I leave you doods.

AUM… PEACE… Outta here.